jack
It’s kind of nice, not mattering

I’ve come to accept that I mean absolutely nothing compared to the inconceivable vastness of life on Earth, even less, relative to the life of the Earth itself, of our star, our galaxy, and so on. As a part of this greater system, I am merely borrowing a few particles from the universe (or multiverse or whatever it is that exists beyond our little corner of reality) for a nearly incalculably brief period of time, and at the end of that period they’ll be returned.

There’s something beautiful in the acceptance of this enormous insignificance, the practical nonexistence that we all are. Our lives have less importance in the grand scheme than a single molecule of nitrogen does to me, inhaled into my lung only to be expelled a second later.

The universe is estimated to be about 13.75 billion years old. I’m 18. I haven’t even been alive for 600 million seconds yet. So the universe has been around for 764 million times longer than I’ve been in it, and I’ve been alive for 600 million times longer than I had that nitrogen in my lung.

How can we pretend that anything matters enough to get upset over it?

Time

I’ve been thinking about time lately, and trying to conceptualize it in any way other than the linear model that is such an integral part of my cultural inheritance — and I’ve been having a lot of trouble. I couldn’t quite get over the obstacle of “I am getting older and will eventually die.” Only now have I made the connection that should have been obvious from the beginning, and which provided this missing piece (though there are many left to find) to my existential puzzle: time doesn’t care about me. I was trying to create a non-linear model of time in the context of my own life, but describing time in terms of me is tantamount to describing emotion as it relates to a hydrogen atom. 

We’ve all been conditioned to view the world through the lens of a linear model of time. What we don’t usually pay any mind to is that this is an entirely artificial construct. Our linear perception of time is the very basic foundation for absolutely everything within our society. We’re taught that everything has a definite beginning and end, e.g. Kindergarten ==> Retirement, Birth ==> Death. I think that this mentality is the source of the vast majority of negative stress in our society because everyone thinks they’re pressed for time. They rush through their lives, sprinting from one task toward another, each building upon the others, heading toward some final goal to be achieved at a later point in their lives. I think they might benefit from trying to see their lives from a cosmic perspective; they might realize that it’s okay to appreciate life on Earth for what it is, and that for us to do anything that we don’t love is the only true waste of time.

Unfortunately, it may be that, as they say, “what’s done is done,” and I doubt many of us are capable of reversing the effects of a lifetime of psychological conditioning - at least not without the assistance of some very powerful chemicals and a lot of time away from “all of this”

It’s only offensive is you let it be.

I just read an article in a local newspaper whose message was essentially, “The N-word is bad and we should never use it.” The was story centered around a Black History Month assembly at Beechwood High School, and it got me thinking the same thing I’ve always thought about this and similar word controversies: “It’s just a word. How can it be bad?”

The speakers at the assembly apparently argued, as most who argue against this particular combination of consonants and vowels do, that because of its history as a racial slur used to degrade a group of people it is and always will be hurtful. In my studies of popular culture, however, I’ve found that this argument doesn’t hold up. I’ve noticed that black people, especially music artists, often use the word ”nigger” (or “nigga,” which is more phonetically accurate for the modern pronunciation of the word) to refer to anyone who is human, regardless of race, including their friends and themselves. In a skit that exposes DJ-EV (a white dj who is one of the best in the industry) as a Tom Cruise look-alike, Kid Cudi refers to EV as “this nigga” that he felt he’d seen before, despite his failure to meet the melanin requirements that used to exist for such a title. Chip tha Ripper is another Cleveland rapper, and an artist who is always quick to tell listeners how great he is. In his song I’m Fitted, Chip referrs to himself as a “fly young nigga,” an expression which, to one who is familiar with Chip’s high opinion of himself (or at least which he presents as a part of his stage persona), would be completely incomprehensible if we were to accept that the controversial third word in that self-given epithet were truly degrading and insulting.

The use of the word is obviously not confined to rap music, but musicians are a product of and an influence on culture. They put into their music what they’ve taken from the culture of whatever city or neighborhood they grew up in and spread it to their audience. While casual use among white Americans in a non-racist context may be a relatively recent development, the use of the word in music has been going on for much longer. For some perspective, NWA (short for Niggaz With Attitude) was formed in 1986, and Curtis Mayfield in his song Pusherman, which has  released in 1972 as a part of the album Superfly, used the word as a self-reference from the song’s narrator. Because rap music uses the word “nigga” so often and is currently extremely popular with people of all ethnicities, the word has enjoyed an upturn in its casual use. In my own school, one can hear black and white students alike casually use the word as a term of endearment, practically synonymous with “buddy.”

[Some of these students desperately try to identify with rap culture as an attempt to combat the ‘mind numbing tranquility’ of life in a small Midwest town, and have unfortunately picked up along with this word the materialism, frequent drug use, glamorization of violence, and arrogance that is all too common in contemporary rap, but the use of the word is gradually extending beyond the social circles of wannabe gangsters and gaining general acceptance among teenagers.]

What I really don’t understand, and perhaps never will, is why some people want to fight the use of this word. Most argue this point on the grounds that it used to be an insult, but the word has been, or is in the process of being disarmed. What is happening with this word the lingual equivalent of the Toys for Guns program: our society has taken a weapon and turned it into something harmless. At this point I’m forced to quote the author of the Harry Potter series, who once wrote, “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.” The people who attempt to put an end to the increasingly common use of this word are, in fact, taking a firm stance against positive progress, and saying loudly that they will not stand to see this word become inoffensive and benign. The only reason I can find for this is that some people just like being offended.

yeah family bonding!

Randy Pausch

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!

http://www.ted.com/talks/randy_pausch_really_achieving_your_childhood_dreams.html

UHN TISS UHN TISS UHN TISS, BABY

the moon at 2:00 a.m.

the moon at 2:00 a.m.

maybe gold does tarnish

maybe gold does tarnish

a little more detail than necessary